WHO AM I?
WHAT HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR GOOD !
From page (introduction) to my life you might have some questions , some peeps personally asked me, that you really decided to sucide ? How can time gets too bad ? And how did you recovered ?Yeah! That's true that sometimes time gets really bad for me but it's in mine favor ,good experiences come from bad experiences and yes ! I am going to share the darkest time of my life . Thinking to sucide is actual an conditional sentence iam not talking about grammatically , i mean i was in extreme depression that I thought to give up .
Between life & death I choose death and I think hundreds of people do this everyday but thank God I wasn't too brave .
This started when I was in 7th grade and I switched my school campus from junior to senior one . I wasn't a bright student not even average it was an old story of bad luck
STORY OF BAD LUCK
My bad luck was born with me on 18th November . By birth I was a weak boy and then at the age of few months . I caught cold which takes me to pneumonia , typhoid and at last asthma . Hospital's Intense care unit became my permanent home, when my age fellows were playing with toys I had to fight with my diseases . As I grew up, my health got worst and worst , every second day my parents had to take me to the hospital , I got injections and drips everywhere . Doctors give their last opinion to take me back home. Everyone knows except me that I'm not going to live long
And then a turning point I call this trigger
One day my dad came in to the room , I was lying on the bed a drip holder was in my one side and my brother on other
Son! Do you know what these tablets are for ??
I said : No ! For what ?
He replied : this is to cure a person whose going to die .
And I was speechless I took that medicine ,he got busy in mobile and i started thinking "IS IAM GOING TO DIE ?"
iam just 7 how can I die too early . I haven't seen anything except walls of this hospital . That day I stopped living for the next day and just started living "TODAY".
MY FAILURES (IAM A LOSER)
my basics were weak in studies I often got sick but after all this, my mom sent me school . I have no senses that time that iam sick but my mom was really brave who did this. I never prepare my test ,my homework and I didn't know the meaning of life . Everyday teachers call my parents , insult them most of them hated me because I was a dull student , not even that I was shy too , I sit quietly allthe day , no friends , no playing. ME, loneliness ,corner and silence . After health that's was another failure
LOVE TWIST
Now time changes when I got my second trigger , it was a person probably a girl no defiantly a girl , someone first time admire my talents ,a girl who was interested in me , a girl who loves listening my stories . A girl I thought I didn't deserve .
Another trigger I flow my all energies to get her , I started getting fit life style , started sports . I did everything she loves , I did everything which can made her interest in me I learn marshalarts
gymnastics , playing football and basketball . After 2 years from 7 grade to 9 that sick guy become super fit , my diet was healthy , healthy lifestyle , healthy body I was 16 years old and don't need medicine I recover asthma . I don't need anymore to fight for my life but you know what ?I again failed to get her . To show her my love , I failed because I don't know how to talk or how to talk a girl and our daily conversation converted into fights and I lose again , I left
SUCIDAL THOUGHTS :
Due to that's sickness I wasn't only physically weak but mentally too . In addition these failures and torches weakens my personality , I wasn't groomed , I didn't look like my other friends did . I wasn't good and that's the one reason of Hates . I felt like I lost everything
. sometimes we have everything but can't see it .
. sometimes we have everything but can't see it .
I was crying for days and nights , sitting in my room whole day and thinking why this happens to me why?
Whatever I made for her I started destroying it. I become a lazy
guy wondering here and there .Everyone was frustrated with me and I was frustrated with my life . I lost my courage my senses I always think ways to sucide which may be less painful . . Everytime looking at the knife I wanted to cut my wrist such thoughts are revolving around the mind . That time I always heard this proverb "WHAT HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD "
And I was what the hell?
That's not true I never admit that , everyone is hating me , iam a loser . I can't do anything when I was dying I want to live , now I want to die but don't know how .
Which idiot said this.
HELLO! SOCIAL SITES
I made alot of social sites , twitter , Facebook , Insta , ask.fm etc and busy in it . Soon I was addicted to it . Maybe it makes me feel better makes me forget her, and forget all my failures , I started making my own fake world with fake strange persons . I had alot of social friends group, 24 hours chatting with them. Soon I got alot of girls , I know it's insane but literally I had 4 5 girls at a time , they stay for a week or two then I had new .
I wasted alot of my time there and then I gave my 11th grade exams with no preperation .
I was sure that I won't get good grades and then I realize my failure again ,
I was running away from my problems and they were getting more complicated with the time
Now this was my third trigger, I was afraid to get failed again so this time I decided to hide my failure . I started searching what I can do so I will be successful in 3 months before my exams . An internal voice comes out of me and I can clearly listen it
," DUDE YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
" YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
" YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
Don't know what to do but I had to do something and I found a way , I decided to go for acting classes. I searched alot and my first class was 2 hours drive away from my home , I was 17 and didn't have a license but I didn't care
Everyday I came from school at 1pm and leave for class at 1:15 without any lunch , in my school uniform I reached there at 3pm, after 3 hour class I came back home at 7pm. I drive on highway without license , at day , night , rains , extreme summer I didn't care all my energies my efforts were in one direction Everytime I was thinking for it , practicing , searching for it . And you know my parents never know all this , they don't know what i was doing ,
I lied at home that I'm going for academy , because I know they won't let me do this but I has to and I can't let others hold my life even they are my parents , health or anything
I know there was a big risk ,
maybe I got an accident and parents wouldn't be informed , I die on a road . But now I have no meaning of life then this , from start I was used to play with death
Yes! Incidents come in the way when my dad tried to push or force me in buisness because he thought I can't do anything , but I want to fail now but never want to say this : " I FAILED BECAUSE I DIDNT TRY , BECAUSE THEY SAY I CANT " what an excuse ! They are saying this not because I can't do this but because they can't do this . I said that in rage but you know what I failed again . My result came and I got only 67% but no one insult me even no one ask my grades
But now i decided not to give up , I decided to carry on , I didn't stop and keep Improving me this time I didn't destroy everything but learn why I failed and maintain what I got . I didn't stop acting and modeling
I DECIDED NOT TO STOP NOT TO RUN JUST WALK CONFIDENTALY .
and that 3 month target become my life career target .
HOW DOTS LINK FROM PAST TO PRESENT AND DIRECT TO FUTURE :
now problem was my passion , my career , my hobbies , my study were too different that I can't do everything in a single day . And I have to do all . Then I observed a pattern in my past activities my failures and I started learning from them too ..
I was born weak not to die but to triggered and choose this career
my dad told me iam going to die not to discourage me but to realize that stop thinking about future live your today , do something worth today
I was alone not to because I was depressed but I was so creative and busy observing everything that i don't have time for friends
I was bad in studies not to get failed but to realize that iam too good in reading books , iam to excited to get knowledge
I love her to make my self better she left me to triggered
I made my own world not to forget my failures but to learn how to talk people , how to control them how to lead them , how to attract them , observing their psychological
I had hobbies like painting,story telling , making bracelets , book reading , searching alot , speeches because I has to be creative , I has to leave , I has to speak in Public
I read books , I was creative , I write stories and books this helps me when everyone deny to teach me , even my dad who was supporting me only in speech hobby he left me I don't need anyone I can write my speeches myself , improve my self because I search alot
She left me because of my looks , triggered me to improve that , they left me due to My convo! I changed that . People leave you and new come In their place , maybe they embrace you hurt you . But when you improve new people admire you . Never forget your old friends and always thank them to do that bad with you
My dad take me to buisness so I can learn marketing
I get trained for marsharts , football , playing basketball all the day was not to impress her but to make me too strong , make me use to hard work that I can go for acting classes with empty belly and getting ready for no rest period
I was too near to death not to be scared but to be fearless.
So isn't that wrong WHAT HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD !
I decided to chose mass communication as my future career, my hobby , my passion , my internal voice , my interest , all are taking me to this . Now I started working for it .but I really don't know is I will be a successful communicator or my future incidents take me to another passion but I'm really excited to get failed now and learn more now! More badly I failed more I get learned more I get closer to success more I get pleasure
And gradually learning i become perfect , now I don't has to work hard , I just has to get fun in my work
I successfully become best speaker of my college then I go for provincial speech compitions and play a remarkable role there . I got trophies for my paintings , I was the first person in my acting centre who started crying in few seconds without any chemical and I teach this to all other students
, I was most junior student there, who work most hard and I was appreciated , from my success my parents get happy, everyone started admiring me , started loving me , respecting me .
Story didn't end here
Again someone interested in me , I find reflection of mine in her .
I know its impossible to get and I don't want to get but I always pray where ever she is , she lives happily
I just want to hold her hand and say thanks ! For coming in my life you told me what is success.
Before you I was career focused now iam career worker
There's a law :" you never get the one who triggers you ",
I don't have my dad I hate him
I don't have that girl I hate her
I am not weak I hate it
I depend on my result I hate it
I hate death because I'm alive
But I love her because it's impossible to hate her
I get how these bad experiences make me mature how that dark time make me bright
I gurantee 80% of people in this world are successful . Just they failed to admit it . Once you admit you will be successful , you will start having pleasure in your work , you will get excited to live each day
Success was when I started living for today not the tommorow
I was weak , so didn't sucide that was a success
Defeating the death was a success
Getting fit for her was a success
Knowing what's right and what's wrong was a success
Never giving up and become fearless was a success
Scared of failure was a success
Afraid of depression was a success
Don't stop and don't run just walk confidently was a success
Do what I want without any fear or allow anyone to stop was a success
Never make excuses and blame others was a success
Learning from my failure was a success
I BELIEVE IN LUCK AND DEFIANTLY IT EFFECTS OUR LIFE BUT I ONLY BELIEVE IN GOOD LUCK , THERE IS NOTHING LIKE BAD LUCK . BECAUSE ALL BAD HAPPENS FOR GOOD
It's a story of a king who was going for a hunt through a forest with his advisor and some soldiers . In the way he got a cut on his hand from a spiny plant , he started screaming , shouting for the doctor his advisor said in a low voice " ITS OKAY SIR ALL HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD ". King was already in pain after
listening this he lost his anger and said " HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND IAM INJURED HERE AND YOU ARE SAYING ALL HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD ! WHATS GOOD IN IT ? IS MY PAIN IS GOOD?
he ordered his soldiers to take the advisor and hanged him next morning , and he went on for hunting alone , suddenly he crossed the boundaries and entred in the region of tribes and unfortunately they caught him , they decided to kill him for their God but when the saw that cut on his hand one of them stopped and said we can't kill a person for god who is already injured and they leave him
He ran back to the palace , sun of the next morning came out he thought advisor should be hanged till now , as he reached there advisor was alive and just going to hang up he jumped on his feets and apologize tell him the whole incident , advisor smile and said " ITS OKAY ALL HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR GOOD" king asked him in a surprise you don't have anger on me ? I was going to hang you for no reason
He replied : MY LORD IF YOU DIDNT ORDER TO TAKE ME BACK , THEN THOSE TRIBES WILL KILL ME FOR THEIR GOD , BECAUSE I WASN'T INJURED. SO ALL HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD ! .
HELLO! SOCIAL SITES
I made alot of social sites , twitter , Facebook , Insta , ask.fm etc and busy in it . Soon I was addicted to it . Maybe it makes me feel better makes me forget her, and forget all my failures , I started making my own fake world with fake strange persons . I had alot of social friends group, 24 hours chatting with them. Soon I got alot of girls , I know it's insane but literally I had 4 5 girls at a time , they stay for a week or two then I had new .I wasted alot of my time there and then I gave my 11th grade exams with no preperation .
I was sure that I won't get good grades and then I realize my failure again ,
I was running away from my problems and they were getting more complicated with the time
Now this was my third trigger, I was afraid to get failed again so this time I decided to hide my failure . I started searching what I can do so I will be successful in 3 months before my exams . An internal voice comes out of me and I can clearly listen it
," DUDE YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
" YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
" YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ".
Don't know what to do but I had to do something and I found a way , I decided to go for acting classes. I searched alot and my first class was 2 hours drive away from my home , I was 17 and didn't have a license but I didn't care
I know there was a big risk ,
COMEBACK
I polish my self , polish my looks , polish them too much that everyone was surprised , I maintained my body again . Workout all the day in gym, no holidays , no excuses, no frustration , no matter what now I want to prove myselfBut now i decided not to give up , I decided to carry on , I didn't stop and keep Improving me this time I didn't destroy everything but learn why I failed and maintain what I got . I didn't stop acting and modeling
and that 3 month target become my life career target .
HOW DOTS LINK FROM PAST TO PRESENT AND DIRECT TO FUTURE :
now problem was my passion , my career , my hobbies , my study were too different that I can't do everything in a single day . And I have to do all . Then I observed a pattern in my past activities my failures and I started learning from them too ..I was born weak not to die but to triggered and choose this career
my dad told me iam going to die not to discourage me but to realize that stop thinking about future live your today , do something worth today
I was alone not to because I was depressed but I was so creative and busy observing everything that i don't have time for friends
I was bad in studies not to get failed but to realize that iam too good in reading books , iam to excited to get knowledge
I love her to make my self better she left me to triggered
I made my own world not to forget my failures but to learn how to talk people , how to control them how to lead them , how to attract them , observing their psychological
I had hobbies like painting,story telling , making bracelets , book reading , searching alot , speeches because I has to be creative , I has to leave , I has to speak in Public
I read books , I was creative , I write stories and books this helps me when everyone deny to teach me , even my dad who was supporting me only in speech hobby he left me I don't need anyone I can write my speeches myself , improve my self because I search alot
She left me because of my looks , triggered me to improve that , they left me due to My convo! I changed that . People leave you and new come In their place , maybe they embrace you hurt you . But when you improve new people admire you . Never forget your old friends and always thank them to do that bad with you
My dad take me to buisness so I can learn marketing
I get trained for marsharts , football , playing basketball all the day was not to impress her but to make me too strong , make me use to hard work that I can go for acting classes with empty belly and getting ready for no rest period
So isn't that wrong WHAT HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD !
I decided to chose mass communication as my future career, my hobby , my passion , my internal voice , my interest , all are taking me to this . Now I started working for it .but I really don't know is I will be a successful communicator or my future incidents take me to another passion but I'm really excited to get failed now and learn more now! More badly I failed more I get learned more I get closer to success more I get pleasure
BRIGHT TIME of SUCCESS
At last i identify why I'm here , I start to participate in all creative competitons like painting competition , essay writing , story telling , debates , speeches , projects , assignments , sports, plays , dramas and other acting activities everything .I successfully become best speaker of my college then I go for provincial speech compitions and play a remarkable role there . I got trophies for my paintings , I was the first person in my acting centre who started crying in few seconds without any chemical and I teach this to all other students
Story didn't end here
IMPOSSIBLE LOVE :
last trigger , obviously again a girl , the one who read my diary first time , I allow someone to do this , one who loves my writing , one who admires me ,Again someone interested in me , I find reflection of mine in her .
I know its impossible to get and I don't want to get but I always pray where ever she is , she lives happily
I just want to hold her hand and say thanks ! For coming in my life you told me what is success.
Before you I was career focused now iam career worker
There's a law :" you never get the one who triggers you ",
I don't have my dad I hate him
I don't have that girl I hate her
I am not weak I hate it
I depend on my result I hate it
I hate death because I'm alive
But I love her because it's impossible to hate her
FACE THE REALITY
from top to bottom of my life I never felt how everything was good for me , how I will be successful. But now when I turn back
I gurantee 80% of people in this world are successful . Just they failed to admit it . Once you admit you will be successful , you will start having pleasure in your work , you will get excited to live each day
Success was when I started living for today not the tommorow
I was weak , so didn't sucide that was a success
Defeating the death was a success
Getting fit for her was a success
Knowing what's right and what's wrong was a success
Never giving up and become fearless was a success
Scared of failure was a success
Afraid of depression was a success
Don't stop and don't run just walk confidently was a success
Do what I want without any fear or allow anyone to stop was a success
Never make excuses and blame others was a success
Learning from my failure was a success
I BELIEVE IN LUCK AND DEFIANTLY IT EFFECTS OUR LIFE BUT I ONLY BELIEVE IN GOOD LUCK , THERE IS NOTHING LIKE BAD LUCK . BECAUSE ALL BAD HAPPENS FOR GOOD
INSPIRATION TO WRITE THIS ..
I heard a story many years ago .It's a story of a king who was going for a hunt through a forest with his advisor and some soldiers . In the way he got a cut on his hand from a spiny plant , he started screaming , shouting for the doctor his advisor said in a low voice " ITS OKAY SIR ALL HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD ". King was already in pain after
he ordered his soldiers to take the advisor and hanged him next morning , and he went on for hunting alone , suddenly he crossed the boundaries and entred in the region of tribes and unfortunately they caught him , they decided to kill him for their God but when the saw that cut on his hand one of them stopped and said we can't kill a person for god who is already injured and they leave him
He replied : MY LORD IF YOU DIDNT ORDER TO TAKE ME BACK , THEN THOSE TRIBES WILL KILL ME FOR THEIR GOD , BECAUSE I WASN'T INJURED. SO ALL HAPPENS , HAPPENS FOR GOOD ! .
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